“Hey, the person I’m seeing is stashing me, what to do?"
Even after being in a relationship for more than a year, I have yet to be introduced into my partner's inner circle. Even though he shares a decently close relationship with his family and friends, I have not met them. He always gives me lame excuses like"they won't understand what we share" and "you are so valuable that I want to hide you." It makes me wonder: is he hiding anything from me? Why does he hide me? But I don't want to ruin what we have together. I'm looking for a long-term relationship, not a causal connection. Given the way he keeps things under wraps, I'm not sure what goes through his mind.
You tend to overlook the red flags in a relationship when you are in love. As the fog starts to lift, you can see more clearly that your partner may not be on board with what you want from the relationship. Even if you have a great time, you can't help but wonder what's next?
In short, if you want more from a relationship, especially if you want a committed and meaningful one, you'll also want someone who feels the same way about it. It makes you angry when your partner keeps your relationship strangely private.
However, if your partner is still in an indecisive phase, where he wants to keep his options open, and hasn’t thought you to be the one, he will prefer to hide you.
This gets messy because you won’t different things, while he may not be ready to offer it yet. You felt humiliated when he asked you to remove the picture you posted of you and him, or cropped you out of the picture when he posted it. The thought robs your peace of mind, why is he hiding you from his world? Why he doesn’t he want to be seen with you? All this hiding makes you feel disrespected and demeaned. Also, it can lead you to believe that your partner is lying about their life or cheating on you. You’re right girl! Such behavior stinks, and at that time you find it difficult to convince yourself that there could be a valid reason for it.
Why is he pushing you to the hiding spot when it comes to his family? Is he stashing? Metro UK coined this term ‘stashing’ a new term in dating lingo, beside ghosting, bread crumbing etc. although the term is new, the practice is old. Stashing is when the person you are seeing kind of hides you from all of their closed people consciously. So when you date someone, they are happy to spend time with you, but they never introduce you to their family, friends and closed circle. Not only that you do not exist on their social media profiles either.
Why is this happening: There is no one fit for all the reasons why people hide. Most of the time at the beginning of the relationship, people want to keep their options open, and avoid clipping down to one, for as long as it takes to get it right.
Do not see a future with you:
You might be in your mind thinking that he is the one, but he might have something else in his mind and could be keeping you just an option.
Might have another relationship:
A person may also become a stasher when they are carrying on simultaneously with another relationship.
Not ready for a committed relationship: Getting into a long committed relationship is getting challenging day by day. Unless they are clear that you are the one for them, they would prefer to keep things under wraps.
Could there be a genuine reason: Sometimes people have genuine reasons to hide their relationship. Like when the relationship is relatively new, you won’t clearly know all the aspects of the family dynamics and their reactions.
Even on social media, not many like to declare their whereabouts to the world. If you’re a social person, you would find it difficult to understand why your identity is hidden.
Maybe your partner is a private person: Some people are private person by nature. They avoid sharing their personal life with the world, especially on social media. They take time to open up. Unless they feel connected, they keep things wrapped up or until they feel the time is right.
May have family trouble:
People sometimes hide things from their families. You may not be privy to everything that goes on in their lives. Moreover, there is a possibility that they do not want you to be exposed to certain family dynamics they just can't handle. The person you're dating may not be close to the family, or the family may not approve of your relationship; or you might not even be accepted by the family.
How to approach the situation? Talk to your partner, tell your concern that you want to get to know things about a person when you get into a serious relationship. There is a catch; if your partner isn’t looking for a serious committed relationship, they won’t take this step. Most of the time when the guy is serious, he introduces you to close people. That’s how they show they are ready and looking forward towards a meaningful relationship.
What if I’m being Backlash? But what if you feel a backlash and your feelings are ignored? Not acknowledging your feelings is a big red flag. It is time to re-evaluate your relationship if he intentionally keeps you behind the scenes and hurts your feelings, responds in any way with a backlash, and says things which are hurtful and insulting. Stashing is a really bothersome behavior. You should not be treated like dirt for any reason. Someone who loves you will not want you to feel this way without a good reason; otherwise, you deserve someone who will roof you. Think about it, otherwise, it's time to walk away with dignity.
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