Are your fights ruining your relationship?
Sarah and David had been married for many years and have built a happy life together. But lately, they had been fighting more and more often.
At first, it started with little things like leaving dishes in the sink or not putting away their clothes. But soon, their arguments escalated, and they were fighting about everything from finances to family to everything possible.
One day, after a particularly heated argument, David stormed out of the house and went for a drive to clear his head. As he was driving, he realized that he was always the one who ended up apologizing after their fights. He loved Sarah, but he didn't want to be in a relationship where he was always the one who had to give in.
While Sarah felt frustrated and unhappy that instead of trying to communicate with Sarah and work through their problems, he blames her for everything that goes wrong.
At first, Sarah tried to brush off David's accusations and criticism. She didn't want to argue with him and believed that they could work through their issues if they just talked openly and honestly with each other. With each passing day, David's blaming became more and more frequent and intense. He would get angry and upset over small things and would always find a way to blame Sarah for them.
Sarah began to feel hurt and resentful. She felt like she was constantly walking on eggshells around David, never knowing what would set him off. She tried to talk to him about his behavior, but he would always brush her off and tell her that she was the one who needed to change.
It's normal for couples to have disagreements and conflicts in their relationship. However, if you find that you two are constantly fighting, it may be a sign that there are underlying issues that need to be addressed. Constant fighting can damage your relationship fabric and can lead to feelings of resentment and disconnection.
What should you do?
Here are some steps you can take to stop fighting and improve your relationship:
Communicate openly and honestly with your partner: This means expressing your feelings and needs without attacking or blaming your partner. If your partner is accusing you of something, it's important to listen to their concerns and try to understand where they're coming from.
Image credit: Sketchplanations
Sarah felt like David was distant and didn't communicate with her as much as he used to. She tried to talk to him about it, but he always brushed her off and said everything was fine. One day, Sarah decided to sit down with David and have a serious conversation about their relationship. She told him how she felt and asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. David was surprised by Sarah's openness and honesty, but he realized she was right. He had been keeping his feelings to himself because he didn't want to upset her, but he realized that wasn't fair to either of them. They spent the next few hours talking and listening to each other, and for the first time in a long time, they felt like they were truly connecting.
Practice active listening: This means really paying attention to what your partner is saying and trying to understand their perspective, even if you don't agree with it.
Practicing active listening by paying attention to what the other person is saying and showing them that they are listening, was hard for Sarah and David in the beginning. As they both wanted to speak rather than to listen.
But they started. She sat down with David and asked him what was troubling him. Instead of just nodding along and responding with a vague "nothing, everything is alright" he opened up and told Sarah what was bothering him. She listened carefully to what he was saying and asked follow-up questions to show that she was interested in what he was saying.
David was surprised by Sarah's change in approach, but he appreciated the effort she was making. He felt like she was truly listening to him, and he felt heard.
Image credit: Sketchplanations
Understand your partner needs: It can be difficult to know for certain what your partner needs are. But when your partner's needs are unmet, it leads to feelings of sadness, frustration, or dissatisfaction. They may also withdraw from you emotionally or physically or may become more critical or distant. That's why communicate openly and honestly with your partner to understand their needs and find ways to support each other.
David learned that Sarah wants him to show affection by using positive love language. And she hates it when he shuts himself up without telling her what is bothering him. David realized his mistake that being critical all the time and not talking to her affects her mental peace. They decided going forward they will openly and honestly tell how they are feeling rather than blaming each other.
Take responsibility for your own actions and emotions: Don't try to blame your partner for how you're feeling. However, when you are upset, the first thing that comes to mind is to blame someone for the way you feel, "They did this that's why, I'm upset". But your emotions and your actions are your responsibility. It is unfair to blame your partner for your emotions. How harsh it sounds; you need to take ownership of your emotions and address them in a healthy way. No one else can fix how you feel. You should communicate clearly and honestly with your partner about how you are feeling, what made you feel that way, but placing blame on them won't take you anywhere.
Image credit: Sketchplanations
Be willing to compromise: In any relationship, compromise is an important part of maintaining harmony and finding common ground. It's important to be willing to listen to your partner's perspective and try to understand their needs, and to be open to finding solutions that meet both of your needs.
This may mean making sacrifices or giving up some of what you both want in order to find a middle ground that works for both of you. By being open to compromise, you can help to ensure that your relationship remains strong and healthy.
If your partner hates your wet feet soiling her sheets, but little effort and wipe them up.
You can calm down your nerves by bringing in mindfulness
Here are ten ways to bring mindfulness during conflicts:
Take a deep breath and focus on the present moment. This can help to calm the mind and allow for clearer thinking.
Listen actively and try to understand the other person's perspective, rather than just thinking about what you want to say next.
Use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs, rather than blaming or attacking the other person.
Be open and curious and try to see the situation from the other person's point of view.
Avoid making assumptions or jumping to conclusions. Ask questions to clarify the other person's intentions and feelings.
Stay focused on the issue at hand, rather than bringing up past conflicts or unrelated topics.
Practice empathy and try to see the situation from the other person's perspective. Imagine how they must be feeling and try to validate their emotions.
Take a break if things become too heated and come back to the conversation when you are both calmer.
Practice forgiveness and let go of grudges. Holding onto resentment can only damage the relationship further.
Remember that conflict is a natural part of any relationship, and it can be an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding. Approach it with an open mind and a willingness to learn and communicate.
Seek help if necessary: If you and your partner are unable to stop fighting on your own, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a professional therapist or counselor. They can help you work through your issues and develop more effective communication and conflict-resolution skills.
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