“Why do people not like me? Why do I struggle to connect with others? In a new setting, I find it challenging to initiate conversation. I look around people and then go back to my phone. It feels awful when you seek healthy meaningful relationship instead you feel lonely and left out.”
Why do we struggle to connect?
Because we don’t have a mirror. Yes, a mirror that shows who we truly are, our habits, beliefs, and the stories that we tell about ourselves and others in our head. If we do not open our hearts and bring that awareness, we will have trouble creating deep connections. How can we have a relationship that runs deep with a closed door within? Once we bring that awareness, we can feel connected with others.
Here are the ways that I learned to deepen connections with others, you must try them.
Know who you are, what you seek:
I learned that I need to know who I am before I seek love, intimacy, and genuine connection. As it keeps creeping into the way I connect with people. I needed to be mindful of my unconscious habits and the reactions getting in the way of my genuine connection. Being conscious is the state when I know how I interact with others, what triggers me. What I expect from others and what I can offer in return.
That’s why you need to ask yourself, do you seek constant approval? Do you want to always be right? Are you overly controlling or dominating? Do you struggle with low-self esteem? End of the day people want to have a sense of comfort. They need to share a comfortable space around each other for deep connections to evolve. When they don’t feel comfortable around you, they mostly ditch you.
A warm smile is contagious:
I never knew the value of smiling before. A frown adorned my face most of the time. I used to be grumpy, irritated and upset with my surroundings, without realizing how it turned people away from me. Who wants to see a sobbing face? One day I changed and forcefully wore a smile. Something has changed since then. Initially, it was a plastic grin. Slowly the plastered smile started turning into a genuine one, once I could see the positive impact it started having on the people around me.
Make Eye Contact:
How can you walk past strangers looking into their eyes; it feels weird? Instead of focusing on someone, I preferred to let my gaze wander. However, when you look into someone eyes, you connect better. Eye-to eye contact stirs up human connection, and when you do that you get to a point where people leave their apprehensions. If you want to run deep connection, work on making eye contact.
Avoid holding grudges:
Harboring grudges reduces quality of life. It keeps your energy invested in stocking up garbage, which stinks your own being. Throw it out. I learned by harboring grudges I unconsciously turned people off. Having resentments impacts your communication and connection, and you might not even realize you may be responsible for people leaving you.
Create atmosphere of positivity:
Nothing attracts more than a positive vibe. Positivity bring people closer to you. Your perception, attitude and thoughts play a role in the way you talk, behave, and act. We all want to be surrounded by people who make us feel good, happy and energetic. Imbibing positivity in interaction is one of the secrets that helped me make deep connections.
Actively spread love and peace:
Who doesn’t want love or know how to love?
I wanted love in my life, but the love I craved came from being needy. I wanted people to love me, without me loving myself or others.
It was then I realized love must be present in my actions without asking for a return right away. Something changed for me when I kept my expectations realistic and actively loving out of the sheer joy of giving love.
Harness power of empathetic listening:
“Yeah, I’m listening. I nodded.” While talking, I simply nod, just listening to words, without paying attention. I lacked my full presence. I won’t try to understand what they say, how they feel.
I learned then that connections with others are what we want to build; our attention to them is crucial. Since then I started to listen more and show up for those who I needed to connect with. Being present, focusing, showing that I’m genuinely interested in their experiences, feelings, opinions, and interests has improved my connection with them drastically. After all, who doesn’t want to feel heard.
Observe how you communicate:
By paying attention to how I communicate, I became aware of my response and reaction. This created awareness, now I pause before, during, and after conversations to manage my emotions and to understand other perspectives. This empathy helped me to stay connected with my deeper self as I engaged with others for more ease and relaxed communication.
Question your assumptions, dig deep:
“Is the thought I’m having really true? Is this my anxious attachment style? Do they have ill intentions or am I assuming it? Am I getting a clear picture or is it my judgment ruining my outlook?”
I do have inner stories running in my mind to justify my actions or make judgments about others, to prove that they are at fault, not me. But it didn’t help whether I’m harshly judging someone, or comparing myself to someone.
But now I dig deeper. Instead of letting stories color my interactions, I learn to question it and redirect my attention to inquire about my experience. Since then, compassionate action started arising organically in the form of insight, intuition, and self-knowledge.
Establish and respect boundaries:
How many of us clearly have defined boundaries in our lives? I’m not the one who had that. That’s created a lot of trouble.
I learned there are Go-to and No - Go-to. You need to respect others boundaries, while holding your own. Otherwise, when you allow people to cross your boundary you feel offended, or when you cross they get offended. Having a healthy boundary leads to healthy and sustainable relationships.
Invest in quality time:
I do not know how I spent my day, mostly running behind daily chores. It made me feel bitter at the end of the day. By ignoring the importance of spending quality time with my loved ones, and giving myself a break, I drained myself out and strained my relationship. Since I focused on spending some quality time and mindful living, it improved my relationships.
Be your authentic self:
In order to fit into a group, you sometimes act in ways that may not align with your core values. That’s makes you lose touch with who you truly are. Seeking constant approval from others makes you disengage from your real self.
I started questioning, why am I doing this? Do I need to act like someone who I’m not?
Why not accept who you are? Since I started accepting myself as I am, I feel confident to offer people what I have to offer with authenticity and develop deep connection later.
We crave deep meaningful connections and relationships. But, we often don't realize that we somehow sabotage our own relations just by being unaware of what we are doing wrong and how we can improve it. By bringing consciousness and a few positive changes, we can walk on the path of better connections.
What’s your major struggle while connecting with people? Which on the above tip you are going to apply in your life. Share your thoughts, and challenges you face. we love to hear from you.
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