"We had such great chemistry at the beginning of our relationship. Now, we hardly talk to each other; when we do, we end up fighting. Looks like we lost interest for an unknown reason, just sharing the roof and the gap is widening day by day."
Couple complains that, “my partner doesn’t care about our relationships anymore. Is no longer interested in me. Doesn't fulfill my emotional needs.”
So, what to do when your partner stops caring?
Here is the thing: sometimes we do things consciously or unconsciously that start sabotaging our relationship. Just like dripping water hollows out a stone, constant misdoing or misbehavior ruins our relationship fabric, and we stay ignorant about what we are doing wrong.
Also, accepting that you could be at fault is tough to admit; shifting problems based on others is far easier. But unless you acknowledge what is wrong, and how to fix it, it won’t get fixed. If you want to resolve an issue, then first admit it exists, or you can choose to live in denial and delusion, but the problem will be keep smiling at you.
Here are the signs that could be sabotaging your relationship in unknown ways.
You want to be in control of every situation and happening in life for which you roll your eyes, blame, manipulate, yell, ignore, or overreact. Sometimes staying in charge of things is so intermingled in your head that you won’t see that you are actually impacting other feelings and crossing the line.
Controlling behavior is an intimacy killer. Control is the toughest thing to let go of, and more or less all of us are plagued with it. Being a control freak, I know how difficult it is, but it actually takes a lot of energy in holding things up, so better let it go.
“Ah! You can’t do anything right!” I learned the hard way that criticizing to get a job done is like switching off your mobile and waiting for a call. It works the other way around; it shuts them off. Criticizing comes next to stabbing.
You want to damage a relationship, just criticize them. Dialogues like, “I gave you one task and you can’t even do that correctly. You are a useless person.” And boom! you shut the person from listening to you. Living in denial:
Whenever I have a fight, a problem, a crisis, I shut my eyes and ignore what I don’t want to deal with. It feels comforting to just ignore the problems and hope they go away. But the problem stays beneath; they grow in the darkness until they get huge and ugly.
Now, I learned that a couple needs to deal with issues straight away, rather than sweeping under the rug, to reduce the pile of resentment which slowly erodes their relationship.
Showing off superiority:
“I’m better than you.”
It feels good to know that you are better than your partner in one or other way; may it be appearance, finance, intelligence, or any other way. But the truth is, no one wants to feel less. People remember how you made them feel.
Giving constructive criticism is fine, but outright humiliating the person you share your life with will take your relationship downhill.
Having a lack of self-esteem and feeling like I’m not good enough: “Why would they say that? They think I’m not good.”
If you manage to see an underlying threat or critique in everything your partner says and does, it might be your self-esteem issue. Low self-esteem is often an outcome of lack of self-love, where you believe that the other person wants to pull you down.
Suspicion and jealousy:
“How could someone can be better than me? Is he/she into someone else?”
Jealousy is a natural behavior, but overdoing it, like constantly worrying who they are talking to, sneaking into their phone, keeping a constant check on their activity, being always suspicious. Ah, you plague yourself with constant fear and suspicion.
Check what is the reason behind your behaviour. Is there a valid reason? Or is your insecurity pushing your buttons? Whatever it is, you will walk on eggshells if you don’t fix it.
“No, it never happened. You are overreacting.” “I never said that, you are imagining things.”
Outright discarding your partner's feelings as nothing makes them feel discarded. Watch out if you, on purpose, ignore on denying, because they know for sure. Messing up with finances or debt:
You lose money by spending it in the wrong places. You spend more than you earn. Your finances, create marital discord where both of you fight and it gets ugly often. Just settle down your finances, otherwise you will face lots of challenges.
Constantly giving threats: “I’m going to leave you. I’m done with you.” “If you don’t do this, I’m done with you.”
Your constant threat might come true. If you aren’t serious, avoid making threats on a regular basis.
A tendency to fly into a rage at the slightest provocation isn’t pleasant for anyone. So mind it.
You hide stuffs, you stay secretive about things. Be mindful. Excessive or destructive lying can irreparably harm your relationship with your spouse and decrease trust and intimacy between you two.
You snapped at your partner, or you did anything wrong, no matter what the circumstance is, you don’t admit or apologize. Instead, you hold your partner responsible for your actions, even when you’re obviously wrong. This could be your defense mechanism, but your partner would feel battered.
Being a narcissist:
You might be selfish (usually extreme) at the expense of others; plus you have the inability to consider others’ feelings at all. Spending life with someone who doesn’t ever bother to care about your feelings and interests is like living life in the dessert.
Don’t communicate enough:
You shut away your partner, hold a grudge, and stone wall them. Rather than shutting them out, try to share what’s on your mind.
Not having partner’s back:
Your lack to offer emotional safety to your partner. You are rude, hostile, or detached; make statements that condemn your partner's character or threaten the very foundations of your commitment.
“You’re such a loser/idiot/bimbo.”
“I don’t know why we’re even married some days.”
Friend’s come first:
Your friends take precedence over your partner. Having friends is a must, but when you start ignoring your partner for others, then it gets problematic. No one wants to be second fiddle.
When people start putting one another on the back burner and taking care of other things at the cost of “togetherness”, then the cracks are bound to appear.
You seek out an admirer to get your spouse to take notice of you, or to feed your ego and tell you that you’re worthy. But often flirting crosses that invisible line from innocent bantering to dangerous dialogue.
Showing no interest in the partner:
When you don’t show any interest in your partner, your partner feels neglected and overlooked. Its bothering when you know your partner is no longer interested in you. Continue to show your spouse that you value and care for them.
Ignoring partner's need:
You overlook your partner’s needs and think only about what you want. A healthy relationship requires reciprocation, where both care for each other’s needs. And that’s the foundation of a successful relationship.
Look at if any of these are prevailing and affecting your relationship. Take small steps to get your relationship back on track.
Share with people you want them to know how they can improve their relationship. Also, leave a comment to let us know which of the signs are common in relationships.